A lightbulb

Thinking further about the subject of fear I had an insight. I began to ask myself why I was afraid. I started looking for the source of the fear, going beyond facing it and rather trying to understand it. What I found was that I am not afraid of girls. If I was I would not be able to go out in public. Really, why would I, a 6'2" guy be afraid of a tiny 5' girl? Nor am I afraid of conversation with a stranger. While I prefer my own company, having a pleasant chat with someone is not that difficult. What, then, makes me nervous when I approach?

I began thinking about what I would do if I stopped trying to follow a script and just go with my gut. What would I say? How would I say it? Would I try to be the charming guy that I was trying to ape? Or would I go straight to the point? A great deal of game that I have read addresses indirect game; how to generate attraction to reduce a girl's resistance to your advances. But what if I was being too indirect? What if I was attracted to indirect game not because it fits me or because I have found great success with it, but because it was indirect? What if I was afraid, not of the girl or the approach, but of making my intentions known? What if I am afraid of my own desires? What if I have been trained to never care about what I want and always be concerned about what others want? In other words if I want a woman WHY THE HELL DO I NOT JUST SAY SO? I want to spend time with her and know her and enjoy her company but no one ever told me to view my wants as more important than hers. Since I cannot DO anything about her wants why should I care? If she does not want me then she is a waste of my time and the sooner I know that the better. If I want something why not just ask for it, and stop pretending that what I want is not important? As far as I know what I want is far more important than what other people want. I can only take care of my needs, and unless she becomes part of my life I cannot take care of her's so why should I try if she is not a part of my life? I cannot read minds so why should I assume that I know what she wants? If it is not me she wants, than it is time to move on to someone else. My stupidity amazes me sometimes. . .

In short, my game is going to become much more direct. I do not intend to give up on indirect game, just use it far less. I expect to crash and burn, but why not? If it is worth all this effort to become a man it is worth falling on my face in the process. It seems the attitude of a selfish asshole is called for. . .