Accountability, agency, and acceptance

SarahsDaughter demonstrates why the maxim of never taking advice on intersexual relations from a woman is a rule that has exceptions.  She explains how solipsism is the root cause of the often-observed tendency of women to repeat their sexual and relationship mistakes over and over again:

Women, through a solipsistic perspective, falsely assume that indicators of attraction from men can somehow contribute to a positive self image or are reflective of who she is when it's really no more than a sexual urge that is in no way unique for just her. This all becomes readily apparent after she wrongly chooses to have sex with him and it displays itself in regret, self loathing and embarrassment. So why would she do it again? Because the regret is not associated with the solipsistic euphoria. The regret is tied to the specific guy she had sex with. That is why she would never talk to THAT guy again.

Guys, you will never shame solipsism out of women. I think that has been well established. Women can learn how to pause and think outside of themselves but it is not what her brain first does. Information is received through an "all about me" lens and is usually not filtered past that.

There are two important lessons in there, one for women and one for men.  The first is for women to stop looking at their feelings as the result of actions by another party rather than the consequence of their own actions and decisions.  In other words, accepting accountability is the necessary step in acquiring conscious agency and the elusive empowerment that so many women seek.

The second is for men to stop thinking that speaking negatively about solipsism to women will somehow affect the degree to which a woman is solipsistic.  Solipsism is a female attribute but it is a male issue!  Complaining about a woman's solipsism is like a woman complaining about a man's height.  You cannot expect her to do anything about it, you can only learn how to deal with it.  Whether you do so in a manipulative manner that makes it useful to you or a sacrificial manner that permits you to endure its vagaries with complete equanimity is irrelevant.  The only point is that you have to accept the fact that it is what it is and it is never going to change.

Yes, a woman can learn to control her expression of it just as a man can learn to wear high heels.  But such superficial actions aren't going to actually change what is occurring underneath.