Breaking Barriers

Hi all and Merry belated Christmas. Hope all had a lovely holiday season and got to spend time with family, friends, loved ones, or with whoever your heart desired. I also wish everyone a Happy New Year in advance. I pray you overcome any obstacles you faced in 2012 and that 2013 is a beautiful year for you = )

I also apologize for making yet another non-BLERD related post. Now, it's terrible hard for me to even write/admit to this openly but I feel like doing it anyway. Mainly because I feel this is a problem that we all face, have faced, or may face. It's that dreaded word: sex.

For quite a while, I feel like I've suffered from sexual dysfunction. It's plagued me quite a bit in my current relationship and it's a hurdle I'm starting to try and fix. For those that would like to read more about sexual dysfunction in women, please refer to this WedMD article. It can let you know what exactly it is, what the symptoms are, and how you can try to overcome it. I think if you think this may be a problem of yours to definitely give it a read and do some more research on your time. In my own reading, sexual dysfunction is a major problem in African American women. You would think that we should feel liberated with the "awesome" way we are portayed in rap music (please let it be known this is major sarcasm), but a lot of us are closeted. We don't know what we like, or how to tell our partner, or really how the body works. This leaves us trapped in an unfornate cycle of sexual unhappiness which is not healthy for you or your partner.

In my on case, I was having issues with expressing what I liked to my partner. When I was younger, I was quite open but as I got older, I became more reserved and after many cases of having forced sex with a previous partner, I basically bottled up any kind of sexual prowess I had. I liked it but...it wasn't like it used to be. It took time but I really had to learn myself all over again.

Some may wonder what this entailed and yes, it took exactly what you may be thinking. Toys. They're great. Seriously. If you don't have one, you should purchase one. I have recommendations. Not to scare you though. It took months of lots of self-love, self-talk, motivation, long talks and explanations to my current boyfriend, and most importantly, time. Nonetheless, I'm overcoming it and so much happier because of it. So is he. One of the biggest things that can cause sexual dysfunction is self-esteem. So if you struggle with that, please, learn to love yourself. It has so many major impacts on your life. It's amazing how so many small changes will boost how you view yourself and the world. Anywho, you shouldn't feel ashamed of your personal kinks, preferences, or anything. I think as long as it's legal, you should be good. If you're in an exclusive relationship, I implore you to sit down with your partner and have a serious talk with them if you're not happy. It is NOT an easy talk. By no means. However, if they love you and you're both open with each other, you will be amazed at the positive changes that will happen in your relationship both in the bedroom and beyond.

Even though sex isn't everything, it's still pretty damn important. You don't need to be ashamed to talk about it or even admit you may have a problem. We all deserve sexual happiness and gratification. Learn yourself. Inside and out. Wink, wink.