I like to hide behind social masks. I use masks in the plural form because it varies depending on my social environment. Call me a chameleon if you will. I tend to cover my identity and blend myself into surroundings that fit the mold that gels best with my situation. I’ll listen to music that I don’t particularly like just to have the opportunity to have a water cooler conversation with my friends at work about the latest pop song to drop.
I feel empty inside and I’m not certain what my true identity is. I’m an empty shell that seeks fulfillment, but I’m too fearful to receive rejection if I take off the mask. I tend to listen to what my family and friends say I should be, rather than following my own instincts and personal passions. If I just blend in like everyone else, then I will be accepted and loved, and frankly that is all that matters. To be received and validated by others it what makes me feel whole, even if that means I have to compromise my integrity and who I believe myself to be in order obtain it. I’m usually the girl you will see following behind a crowd of others, and I am constantly referred to as “so and so’s friend”.
I’m rarely addressed by name because I’ve managed to blend in so well. I am that skilled in my talent of concealing my character. Perhaps one day I will grow out of this phase, and blossom into the person God created me to be. In the meantime, I will remain like a flower bud.
Covered and unseen.
Closed and sealed up.
An existence of potential that has yet to be discovered.
That will be me. The lonely girl who wants to be like everyone else.
