I’ve been wading in the dating kiddie pool for the last few years now. I will be honest and transparent with you in this blog post. I am single, 33 years old, have no children, and I’ve never been married.
I’ll wait for you to let out a sympathetic sigh.
I’ve been ranting and posting about My So-Called Online Dating Life since this blog was first published. I'm not quite sure how to say this without coming off as insensitive, but I’m really not that interested in dating a man with kids. I know I should be more open-minded and not so shallow about my feelings on this subject, but it resonates with me so much when I meet or talk with a man who is interested in dating me. Then he drops the k -word, and I cringe. I understand that a man having kids does not make him a bad person or less desirable than a man without kids, but I can’t help but wonder why are my feelings so strong against a man with kids?
I was once involved with a guy for a very short period of time, who had a son. His son was very young. I was surprised he chose to introduce his son to me so swiftly in our infatuation phase, but he trusted me enough to be a part of his son’s life. I began to bond with his son very quickly. It’s easy to become impressionable on toddlers who are intrigued by adults anyway and will love and adore you no matter who you are to them. Our bond became one where he would run to me first before his own father and when he cried I was able to soothe him quicker than his own father. Shortly after his father and I broke up, I felt sad that his son was no longer a part of my life. I resented the fact that I allowed myself to get so close to him. I made a promise to myself that I would never get involved with another man’s kids so quickly without having confidence that our relationship would last. However, how can I make a promise that I can’t guarantee could easily be broken?
Several months after our relationship had been over, the mother of my ex-boyfriend’s son called me erratically and accused me of sleeping with her baby's daddy . I was shocked that first, she managed to get a hold of my number and second, that she would accuse me of such a thing.
Seriously?
I am not good at confrontation and I do everything in my power to try to avoid it. I used reverse psychology by telling her in a low monotonous voice that I had not seen him in several months and that I was involved with someone else.
I was single, so that was actually a lie at the time, but I felt the white lie was needed to give her some certainty that I was over my ex.
After a long tirade of colorful four letter words and false accusations, I finally was able to calm her down. She realized that she sounded like a fool arguing with herself since I’m not the combative type and I simply stayed silent on the line while she vented for 20 minutes straight.
I share this personal anecdote with you because I’m torn between having this type of dating experience and having a personality not built for the drama that can potentially follow. I’m not sure if dating a man with kids is a challenge I’m willing to tackle. I want to be open-minded and not discriminate because I know there are some GOOD men out there that have kids. It may not be their fault that their circumstances led them to make the best decision for them, which was to become a single parent.
Is it wrong to seek a man without children as a single, childless woman in her thirties? Or should I be more open-minded and see the big picture, not just the details?
