Self-limiting beliefs

I have a particularly self destructive belief. I found its effect on me as a result of forcing myself to approach women. I would begin an approach and find that I was acting as if I had already been rejected. I was assuming that the interaction would end with them rejecting me. It was as though failure was built into my frame. My belief was that no woman would ever want me. In other words game was futile. I could do everything right and still always fail. This was, of course, irrational (and somewhat melodramatic) , but it was a belief I had to deal with. I could not reason my way out of it, I could not ignore it, and I could not turn it off (at least not directly). Not really having anything to lose, I listened to it. This does not mean that I accepted that the belief was true, it means that I became completely aware of it. It was like studying a disease and knowing it intimately so that I could avoid it in the future or create an antidote. I have many self-limiting beliefs like this. To cure myself of them I had to become fully aware of the problem. In a sense I had to know these beliefs as intimately as I know game so that I could learn to avoid them. Since denying a weakness is a waste of time I made a habit of examining these beliefs and I have learned some very important things.

First: Beliefs come from somewhere, they do not just appear fully formed in your mind. They have a reason for being there and finding that reason is very important for correcting them. For example, I recently discovered that I have a problem maintaining boundaries with people. This resulted in allowing people to walk all over me or me walking all over them if the opportunity presented itself. I was able to correct this once I realized that my parents have the same problem. Now that I am aware of this I insist on boundaries with my parents and for that matter, everyone. Without those boundaries I cannot protect myself. Boundaries are necessary to confident and if I let them down with the people closest to me I lose that confidence.

Second: Critics are frequently a source of poor advice. They will tell you their beliefs regardless of whether those beliefs will help you achieve you goals. Ignore them. Instead look for people who have done what you are trying to do and look for their advice. Adopt their frame. If they are successful there is a reason. Game is a perfect example. Every man who is successful with women seems to use at least a portion the ideas in game. Limit who you listen to, and do not let other's self-doubt become your self-doubt.

Third: Find the source of your faulty frame and avoid it. You may have learned your beliefs from parents, friends, the media, or society. Wherever they came from separate yourself from that source, whether mentally or physically. For me I am seriously considering Roissy’s advice: “If [everything else] fails, consider physically moving away from [them] . . . Friends, family, everyone. Gather your savings, quit your job, and move to a new city or even a new country.

Fourth: Write you beliefs about yourself down, both good and bad. As you grow and learn new beliefs, being able to return to the changes you have made will reinforce those changes.

It has taken me awhile to get past the majority of my self limiting beliefs. There are many left to uncover, but I am at a place where game can work for me. While I seriously doubt that this is going to get much easier, if I want to be happy do I have any choice but to keep working at it?