Conclusions on perusing FML

1. Never, ever, decide to surprise your husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend with your unexpected presence, especially if you are in a long-distance relationship. The mere fact that you have a desire to surprise them rather than simply making plans like a normal human being would tends to indicate that you already suspect they are unfaithful on some level. If you genuinely think this sounds like a good idea, or worse yet, a romantic one, chances are pretty good that you're not going to like what you discover.

2. Never propose marriage to a woman in public or with anyone else around. A proposal of marriage is not performance art, it's not intended for public consumption, and if you are more focused on winning the plaudits of others than the question of whether or not this is the right individual to make the most important commitment of your life, you will well merit whatever disaster ensues. And if you're concerned that she is more focused on the public perception of the proposal's style rather than on its significance, you're probably making a mistake.

3. Getting dumped sucks. How it happens doesn't really matter all that much. The instinct to complain about how it happened is simply a defense mechanism meant to provide an easy outlet for venting one's anger and disappointment. There is no nice way to let someone know you are no longer romantically interested in them, so whatever lends itself to a minimum of unpleasantness is probably best. That being said, I did rather admire the style of the high school kid who broke up with his girlfriend in the school cafeteria, then went running around with his arms spread wide and shouting "FREEEDOMMM" before grabbing and kissing the first random girl he encountered. Even the ex-girlfriend's FML lament sounded more than a little amused.

5. Men, particularly BETAs, have a solid rationale for preferring low N. "Today, I was fingering my girlfriend. When suddenly she started crying at the peak of her orgasm, when I asked what was wrong, she replied. "I-I-I MISS HIM!" She was crying about her ex boyfriend. While I was inside her."

5. This isn't news to those familiar with Game, but women cheat much more remorselessly than most BETA men would like to believe. In fact, perusing FML is probably a pretty good antidote to any tendency to place the female sex on pedestals.

This, however, was my favorite: "Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends."