A girl became very interested in me after seeing my band perform, partly because I looked just like some guy that she never got over. She began sending me facebook messages that I politely replied to, just chit chat. Then it became apparent that she was a really hurt and broken person and she thought I was the only one in the world that could help her. My first response to this was to try to get her to meet with my wife for prayer, but she insisted that nobody else know about her issues. I shared truth with her, met with her in a public place, not behind closed doors, and prayed with her. I was hoping that she'd be changed and then stop insisting I keep this stuff secret so I could share it with my wife. I didn't like hiding it.First, let me point out that even basic Game would have prevented this problem in the first place. What we have here is a classic "damsel in distress" scenario and a man creating unnecessary marital problems by first taking a woman's story at face value (Game error 1), then white-knighting (Game error 2), and then backing down and cowering before his wife's fear-fueled outrage at his white-knighting on behalf of a younger and more attractive woman. (Game error 3).
I invited her out to a show my wife would be at so they could meet. Then I invited her to church so they could spend more time together, and even out to eat after church. I was hoping this girl would open up to my wife so the truth could come out. When that didn't happen quick enough for me, I went ahead and told my wife. She was devastated. She acts like it's the same as me cheating on her. She has physically assaulted me twice. (Not that I'm in any danger of course, just giving you an idea of how angry she is.) I did become close to this girl and had a lot of compassion for her, but I never even had an impure thought about her.
I'm early 40s, my wife is early 50s, we've been married around 20 years. I'm a little overweight, my wife is at least 60 pounds overweight. The girl is 26 and very attractive. But instead of my wife taking the angle that I could have had this younger prettier girl and didn't, she takes the angle that I betrayed her horribly and our marriage can't be saved bar some kind of miracle. When I point out the fact that I was trying to get them together, she says that was just so I could be closer to the girl.
I feel absolutely horrible about this now. I want to just hold my wife and cry, even though I never cry. So yeah, it's pretty bad. And yes, I know, I did a real stupid thing. But I don't think it should cost me my marriage. Can game help this?
Second, let's look at the root of the problem. His wife is 10 years older, overweight, and post-Wall. She's understandably threatened by this younger interloper, with whom she cannot compete and who she correctly views as harboring at least some interest in her husband. However, she's handling the situation in precisely the wrong manner, trying to beat him into submission by physical and psychological violence instead of appealing to either reason or his better nature.
Now, I don't know why he wants to save this marriage based on his description of the situation, but everyone's mileage varies and I certainly respect his desire to do so. Can Game save it? I think it's at least possible. So let's apply the principles:
1. Break off all contact with the young woman. He's not the Broken Girl Doctor.
2. Read the wife the riot act. His silly mistake in trying to help the young woman, whether it was made in pure Christian innocence or a subconscious flirtation with temptation, doesn't justify her behavior in any way. He didn't betray her and her attempts to pretend that he did are nothing more than the dishonest machinations of a control freak attempting to gain hand. Tell her if she threatens divorce, you'll go ahead and file, if she indulges in any further violence, you'll press charges and then file for divorce.
3. Stop apologizing and cowering. The Bible demands that we repent. But if the other person refuses to accept genuine repentence, it is no longer your problem.
4. Accept the consequences like a man, wherever they lead. He has to accept that if the wife is a drama queen and control freak, nothing he does is going to fix the situation because she has absolutely no interest in it being fixed. And let's face it, there are worse fates than being rid of an old, unpleasant, overweight woman attempting to dictate your life to you.
That being said, there is still some hope for the man and his marriage. He's not entirely weak. For example, he noted "she wanted me to sleep on the couch the other night and I refused. She slept on the couch." And there are a few salient lessons for other men to be learned here:
1. Get the fuck off Facebook. Seriously. Nothing good ever comes of it.
2. Don't white knight. Ever. You are responsible for helping your wife and your daughters. Maybe your mother and your sisters as well in some circumstances, depending upon the situation. That's it. The rest of the 3 billion+ female population is neither your problem nor your responsibility. The key metric: if you wouldn't do it for an ugly old man, you don't do it for a pretty young girl.
3. Don't fall for the Girl with a Broken Wing act. I mean, come on now! Women use it more often, and usually with more success, than players use the "Broken-hearted Boy" role.
4. Don't cower before a woman. Ever. Even if that is what she is demanding in full shriek, she will hate and despise you for it ever after. This doesn't mean you can't apologize for your actions or admit that she is right when she is correct, but it is better to physically emasculate yourself than permit her to do it metaphorically.
5. Agree and amplify. If she threatens to leave, show her the door.
