It has occurred to me that the word Nerd umbrellas many types of people. There are academia nerds, comic-book nerds, outdoorsy nerds (the ones that go to the beach and read). I am of the socially inept variety with a “Rain Man” Clause. My clause being TV and film; I can talk to anyone anywhere on the subject of movies and television.
It didn't help that I was a child in a military family and we moved a lot. In Massachusetts, my Mom sent us to private school in the middle of an Italian neighborhood. It was tough for me to break into a tight knit group who knew each other since they were in the womb. They were people I had nothing in common with except age and Madonna, Slayer, Milli Vanilli and that one song from Metallica. Oh, and New Kids on the Block until their popularity diminished and then we all pretended like we never liked them cause we were way too mature… or something like that. Honestly, I don’t remember; there were too many rules to trying to fit-in. Anyway, even then I wanted to break out of my shell but I didn’t know how so I was exceptionally quiet. There would be times when I’d want to contribute to the conversation but felt too shy and other times, often in one on one conversation, my head would just be empty because I was so anxious and I couldn’t think of anything to say.
As I grew older I wanted to do something in communications because I always imagined I’d break free from my social ineptness and would know just the right things to say. I had read in every teen magazine ever that shyness just melts away. I’m in my early thirties now and still waiting for it to just dissipate.
Yet, having traveled so much and being a journalist I’m always meeting people so I wanted to give insight into what I've learned for other socially inept nerdettes who yearn to bust out of their shell. Should you come across someone you’d like to chat with or who wants to chat with you, here are some tips to help you navigate a conversation:
#1). LISTEN
Your brain may be overloaded with thoughts due to your anxiety but if you can ignore the flux of adrenaline and focus that energy on the person speaking you will be better apt to plot your next step in the conversation. The more practice you have the better you will be. And note: not every stranger is a friend you haven’t met yet sometimes you have to disengage because they creep you out. You always have a choice to engage or not.
#2). DON’T JUDGE
Conversely, some social anxieties are triggered by the physical appearance of others. For example, maybe they look like someone who would judge you. Don’t get so caught up on appearances; it’s so superficial. Everyone deserves a chance to prove who they are through their actions and words. Besides, you may find that respect reciprocated towards your peculiarities.
(Follow your instinct. You will have to learn to decipher between fear and real danger.)
#3). STAY ON TOPIC
Show that you are listening and keep the conversation going keeping on the same topic of discussion. Anxiety used to push so many thoughts through my head that I’d respond with a topic from left field. Sustaining the topic of discussion is especially rewarding when the other person in the conversation is the one who brought up the subject. It’s kind of like he or she passed you the ball and it’s your turn to pass it back. So play the game and return the ball with a comment that is on target. When you don’t know what to say or can’t think of anything to add, try repeating what they said to show that you were listening or determine the sentiment to let them know you understand what lead them to the comment (if you don’t know the sentiment, it’s ok to ask).
#4). KEEP IT LIGHT
Keep it light! You’ve just met this person, you don’t have to get knee deep in their problems and vice versa. We all got issues but turn to friends, Jesus or a counselor not a stranger. We’re just making friendly conversation here.
#5). DON’T WORRY
As a human being there will be times when you will look stupid and feel like an idiot. It happens to EVERYONE. When it happens embrace it, acknowledge it and move on. The person you are speaking to may sympathize with you because nobody is perfect.
BONUS TIP: SAY “HELLO” FIRST
On a day you’re feeling brave, say hello to strangers. If you think you are going to get rejected make it a game by guessing how they will reject you: Will they pretend they didn’t hear you, just stare at you or look at you like you are crazy? Don’t be afraid of rejection; know that it happens from time to time. And by the way, if you have a “Rain Man” Clause of your own find a place where people go to experience or talk about that clause. In other words, find people you have stuff in common with and try to say hello first.
