Threesomes, Relationships, Polygamy, Oh My!

A couple of weeks ago, my beloved boyfriend had the audacity courage to ask me for a threesome. Now. I don't mind sharing but...I don't share my boyfriend. We've been through too much for me to casually toss his penis to another woman. So I asked if I entertained him with one with two women, could I have one with two men. Sigh. Typical answer. There's nothing I have against women. I love women. Have I ever been with one? No. Thought about it? Sure. But it was always on a one-on-one kind of scenario. Even though my first response was no, it was still something I thought about. He said maybe it would bring some spark in our life. Or something. I wouldn't be guilted into it though. I thought of it as killing two birds with one stone. But...my worst fear? Those two hooking up on their own, leaving little old me stupid, foolish, and single. And me slitting some tires and breaking car windows. Luckily enough, I have a wonderful friend, Julene (who also happens to be a blerd!), in a polygamous marriage. I turned to her and got some sound advice that would benefit any and everyone, especially if you've been posed with this same question, or want to ask your partner to travel this road.

"Ok, here is my advice and stance on things.

When i first started out, i was in an open relationship and only had physical relationships with people outside of Kiba and I. It can be a lot of fun and very enjoyable for both parties but making sure you can all the emotions that come with it are key before even looking.

Things to consider before you agree to consider his request...

1. Do you even want a threesome?
Doing it because you love him is very sweet in theory, but unless it's something you want too, it can make you resent the act or even him.

2. Do you believe your relationship can survive it, especially if things go wrong?
As horrible as it might make us feel to admit the short comings of our relationship, it is dire that we are honest with ourselves when we look into doing something like this.

If you answered yes to these two questions, then here is what i suggest you do...

1. Communicate! Communicate! Communicate! Communicate! Communicate! 
Talk until you are blue in the face and then, talk some more! The only way to calm fears, nerves and set up boundaries is to talk it over as much as possible!

2. The relationship should go at the pace of the slowest party!
Pushing yourself to give him this experience before you are ready can ruin a lot of things. If he wants this and you want it too, he needs to be willing to go at your pace! YOU set the rules! Most women wouldn't even consider doing this, so he needs to be appreciative and understand you have concerns, insecurities and you need time to process this.

3. Set up boundaries right from the start!
Don't want him to talk to other girls you guys are interested in unless you are around? Tell him! Do you want to meet the girl alone first or be the main point of contact before they meet him? Tell him that! Sometimes we do things not knowing it'll cause a problem because the boundaries and rules aren't made clear so do all that ahead of time.

4. Talk honestly about your feelings!
If before or after you need reassurance, tell him! This can be scary, no matter how pretty or secure they tell us we should be in our relationship! If you feel she got too much attention during the threesome, tell him! I still have moments of jealousy and hurt even after 6 years. When i need reassurance from my partners, even if they only had a more casual encounter, i get it! It makes me feel better, eases my pain and makes me relaxed. Get the reassurance you need and make sure he is providing it.

5. Have the final say!
Since this is your first time considering this and since you need this to go at your pace, tell him you have the right to end this at any time. No casual encounter is worth your relationship, your sanity and/or your emotions. You should have the final say on this every step of the way!

If you don't end up doing this then that is fine! There is no shame in being honest with yourself, your wants and your desires! Don't force yourself to do anything you don't want and he should be understanding of your feelings!

If you see this out to the end then congrats! I hope it is a fun and fulfilling for you both! It can spice things up, bring you guys closer together and give you a since of deep love because you were willing to go out of your way to give him this kind of fun and happiness.

I hope this helped and I'm always here to help if you want advice, to vent or just chat!

Hugs! Hope this helped! :)"

Talk about eye-opening! It may me take some long, hard looks at myself and my relationship. Did we have a threesome. No. Not yet. Maybe one day. But here's to having a healthy, open sexual life!