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| Image by Ryan VanWilliams via Flickr/CreativeCommons |
I’m sure you’re reading this because you have a case of the Itgirls. I apologize for your condition, for it’s a terrible disease that causes pathetic symptoms including, but not limited to:
Emotional eye leaking
Aching self-esteem
Feelings of complaint
Feelings of envy
Feelings of envy
and of course sporadic episodes of the “why me’s.”
But do not fear. Researchers have found a cure for this disease and you will feel your pain no more. But first, you should know the causes of this horrendous condition:
Itgirls \ ət ˈgər(-ə)ls\ disease is caused by a sudden inflammatory response that occurs when a subject, usually female, is exposed to carriers of the Itgirl chromosome. Carriers of this special chromosome are usually girls who the general population perceives to be beautiful, kind and essentially perfect. These girls might also wield intelligence, but this trait is not necessarily required.
Females with the Itgirl chromosome are primarily found in high schools. However, these carriers can sometimes leak into the cavities of higher education, and can even be pumped into the veins of the real world. One in five women have been unintentionally exposed to carriers and probably have an undiagnosed case of Itgirls disease.
But how do you know if there is a carrier near you?
Carriers are very similar and have very little variation in behavior. Therefore, it is very easy to identify them if you understand how to conduct the proper diagnostic survey:
1. When you mention this girl’s name casually, do your friends veer away from the point and say something to the effect of, “Oh she’s pretty”?
2. When she walks past a table of your male peers, do you hear a sudden, but subtle eruption of speech from their table after she has left?
3. Does she smile at you (and everyone) often, and maintain a generally pleasant disposition at all times?
4. Do you feel like you’re lying to yourself when you try to convince yourself that she’s, “not that pretty”?
5. Do you lack any personal qualms with her but feel threatened, maybe even envious when she’s within a three mile radius?
If you answered “yes” to the majority of these questions, you probably have a carrier on your hands and you should begin the preventative treatment immediately. This treatment can immunize, and even cure your Itgirls disease, and it is crucial that you utilize it before it’s too late.
Here’s the cure:
Everywhere you go there is always going to be a girl who people consider to be nicer and prettier than you are. These girls might be as sweet as jarred peaches, but for some reason you might feel an overwhelming sense of inadequacy and envy towards them. Though these reactions are natural, you can’t let them paralyze you forever.
Every girl has to accept the fact that there is going to be a “perfect girl”—or what they perceive to be a perfect girl—wherever they turn, and that no matter how far along they are in life, there is always going to be this type of girl in their around whether they are fifteen or fifty.
But we must realize that every it girl has probably experienced her own it girl, and that whether we know it or not, we might be the it girl to someone else.
Even if we are all it girls in disguise, we have to realize that being an it girl isn’t an instant ticket to success in life. Some girls might be at the peak of the mountain in high school, but fall to their lowest of lows afterwards, while other girls will be beautiful, kind and privileged for the rest of their lives.
But that’s life.
All you can do is remember that you have another path in store. If you can look at your it girl and take an accurate guess at what it’s like to be in her shoes, then you’ve lived her life already and there is nothing there for you.
You should focus on your own potential and remember that the girls who rely on kindness and cuteness to make it by will never be revolutionaries, and to be a revolutionary—to make a change—speaks volumes when compared to the feat of garnering a boy’s attention. After the treatment, patients must engage in constant cycles of intense respiratory exchange in order to maintain the effects of the cure.
(Girl has gotta learn how to breathe, breathe, breathe.)
Lauren Harris is a high school senior at an arts school. She is an advocate for the educational enrichment of African-American children and is also very interested in researching how African-American women are perceived by themselves and by the rest of the world. She enjoys online shopping, curly hair, macaroni and cheese, “The Twilight Zone”, and Friday nights playing The Sims. Please read more of her work at her blog www.afrogirltalks.com.
