Reversing the social thermostat

One of the things that separates men from women, and ALPHA from BETA, is the ability to control one's emotions and reactions. Roissy memorably linked the ALPHA ideal to a rock that lets the ocean waves crash over it with complete indifference; when the waters calm, the rock is still there, exactly as it was before.

Since supplicants and subordinates are always hypersensitive to the feelings of their superiors, a lack of sensitivity is always interpreted as dominance by men and women alike. In practical terms, this means a lack of reaction to what other people are saying. The more emotionally intense the stimulus, the more important it is to remain calm and impassive. Now, some people come by this naturally. For whatever reason, in a highly charged situation like an emergency or a competitive sporting event, I tend to feel almost as if I go out of my body and I remain much more calm than I would if the situation was an everyday one. Because that has tended to work out well for me, I try to simulate the feeling when it doesn't come naturally.

The way this can be achieved is simply by delaying your instinctive reaction. When your boss yells at you or your girlfriend accuses you of something, don't say anything, don't even allow your face to change expression. Just meet their eyes, breath slowly, and blink deliberately. Then ask them to repeat themselves. Nine times out of ten, they will immediately lower their voice and address you in a calmer, more civilized manner. This is an instinctively submissive response to dominant behavior. If they're completely out of emotional control, though, they will start shrieking and become much more difficult to understand, in which case, you continue to remain calm, explain that you can't understand what they're trying to tell you, and ask them to repeat themselves again in a more civilized manner. Sometimes they will, although they will often storm out instead. The useful thing about the latter is that you can then return to what you were doing before, since you haven't even acknowledged their demand or complaint, let alone agreed to do anything about it.

Granted, it may take a degree of natural narcissism to easily resist the male urge to respond in the face of a perceived problem. But the urge can be resisted, even by the most instinctively submissive Gamma. Remember the wise words of Calvin Coolidge: "Never go out to meet trouble. If you will just sit still, nine cases out of ten someone will intercept it before it reaches you."

But dominant self-control isn't only useful in conflict situations, it's also usefully applicable to situations where a woman is attempting to get a rise out of you, either through sexual provocation or a shit test. Do exactly the same thing. Don't react, breathe, blink, ask for her to repeat herself. You'll find that you can make a woman who is striking a provocative pose to blush and stammer simply by not reacting and calmly asking her to repeat herself once or twice. Of course, because you've gone from played to player, and because women are naturally attracted to both social and sexual dominance, this will tend to create attraction even where none initially existed.

Keep in mind that the point is not to be a robot. You can smile if you like, although this is best reserved for the sexual situations and can cause problems in the conflict situations. You can - in fact, you should - speak in normal tones. And you should react normally in non-hostile situations; acting like you're partially autistic isn't going to get you anywhere. The idea is simply that the hotter it gets outside, the icier you become inside.