“Am I being overly sensitive by thinking something is a little off with those comments,” she asks.
No! Hell no, I shouted at my laptop screen.
I’ve experienced firsthand what this lady is talking about. I’m pregnant with a biracial child. (I’m black and her father is a hodgepodge European mix of Scots-Irish, English, Swiss and who knows what else.) Though people think they’re being well-meaning and kind, I’ve gotten plenty of speculation from family, friends, and strangers about how attractive our little girl will be. A regular ol’ little Halle Berry in the making, they seem to believe. I’ve heard it from white people, black people, and everything in between. When I try to joke, “Actually, she could turn out pretty goofy-looking,” it falls on deaf ears and the raving continues.
One great aunt — who is also well-meaning but, umm, a little eccentric — even speculated how our daughter’s mixed heritage will make her almost like some weird, super human baby. “She’ll take the best traits of both white and black,” she went on to explain as she sat in her recliner. “She won’t get sick like regular babies do. She could even be blonde with blue eyes. You never know!”
“A blonde little Simba that we can hold up to the heavens,” my husband joked later. Because when you hear crazy ish like that, what can you do but laugh?
I’m not trying to offend the interracial folks out there, but let’s be honest; not all interracial people are attractive. And certainly having a mixed-raced heritage that comes with lighter skin, a different eye color, or straighter hair doesn’t make you a beauty queen or a GQ cover model by default. By that same token, there are many very dark-skinned women and men who are gorgeous. Even if some people — because of their own prejudices and preferences — may bump them down on the attractiveness scale because of the shade of their skin or coarseness of their hair, that doesn't change how attractive they really are.
So basically, though people may think they’re paying you a compliment by saying how your child will be a beauty because of its “exotic heritage,” it really isn’t a compliment. It reveals a type of colorism that still exists in America and manages to seep its way into casual conversation in the guise of seemingly flattering remarks.
If you want to say someone’s kid is adorable, please… just leave it at that. Don’t bring color into it.
— Black Girl Nerds Contributor, Shelly Ellis
