Praying for Change

So I've realized I like helping people. A lot. It's really all I want to do in life. I also realized I like posting little motivational blogs to try and help people if they're going through some things. Sorry if they become redundant but it never hurts to put it out there.

The lovely Ms. Alyssa Edwards from RuPaul's Drag Race!

Now, I love myself some RuPaul's Drag Race. It's literally one of the shows I live for. The other day I was catching back up on it after missing all my reality TV since my boyfriend was in town and I was truly touched by a particular clip. In this week's episode of Untucked, one of the drag queen's revealed how her father was verbally abusive and upon telling him that she was leaving the house for good, she turned away and never looked back. She also said she never spoke to her father again. It wasn't revealed how much time passed but you can tell it had been years. Well she got a lovely video from her father and he told her how much he loved her, regardless of her lifestyle, and that he was so proud of her and wanted her to bring the crown home. "It may not be MVP in football or basketball, but that's one trophy I'd be proud to hang over the mantle." Can you say, bawling? Everyone in that room was a hot mess and so was I on my couch. So what am I leading too? A few of the queens were talking and saying how in their children, they would pray to God every night to change them into something "normal" or how they wanted to wake up just a boy or just a girl or to just feel comfortable in their bodies. Sound like something you can relate to?

When I was younger, mainly in middle school and some parts of high school, I wanted to be normal. Wanted to fit in. Remember jersey dresses? Yeah. Hot mess now but the greatest fashion since a Dickies dress back then. And my God, I had to have one. And I would beg, and plead, and just want to even DRESS like the normal girls. Even when I did dress in the latest fashion, putting on a different "skin" or mask to fit in with the others, yeah, didn't work. At all. Still the ugly duckling weirdo freak. So fuck it. I went back to dressing in lots of black, rocking my black lipstick and nail polish, and went on about my freakish life. Oooooh well. But I'd be lying if sometimes I didn't catch myself crying and wondering to God why couldn't I be like the rest of the girls.

Fast forward to know and if you look at some of my posts, you can obviously tell I don't care now. God made me beautiful and you beautiful too. He made you different so you could struggle and make the come up that no one was expecting but you knew would happen. If you have some of these similar memories, please say a small to prayer to God, whoever you believe in, or if you don't believe in anything, just say thanks to yourself for getting to where you are now. Even if you're going through a dark moment, you'll get through that too. Need someone to talk to or lean on? Hell drop me a line and we'll talk. My digital door is always open.

Lastly, just in case you need to hear it, I love you <3